How do I document without him finding out?

Please be gentle with yourself. You are doing something incredibly hard. I went through almost exactly this last year. Happy to share what helped if you want to DM.

One more thought from me: if the kids ever witness incidents, note that too, factually and briefly. Children do better than we fear when one parent stays steady — and that steadiness can be you.

One year out and I promise there is a version of you on the other side of this who is okay.

Same boat, Surrey side. Reach out anytime — this community got me through.

Please be gentle with yourself. You are doing something incredibly hard.

The guilt lied to me for months. It does get quieter. Keep going.

Counsellor here — a small note on safety: keep records somewhere he can't reach, like an email account created on a library or work computer, never a shared device. And be gentle with yourself about the fear; documenting doesn't mean you've decided anything yet.

From the legal side: dated, factual notes carry real weight later, even simple ones. A family lawyer or a victim services worker can help you set this up safely — and Legal Aid BC covers family violence situations many people assume they won't qualify for. General information only, but the record-keeping is worth it.